A mother told the principal at school that she was under great pressure taking care of her child, and she could not even control her own emotions. The principal therefore referred her to the stationing social worker for support.
During the first interview, the mother told the social worker that her husband had just passed away from illness, leaving her to take care of the son all by herself. Moreover, her son was recently diagnosed with Autism spectrum disorder and speech delay. He kept crying and looking for his father, she did not know what to do but scold him.
The social worker understood that her husband’s death and her son’s assessment results came out almost the same time, which made her feel drained. The mother said she kept telling herself to be strong and not indulged in the memory of her husband, which she thought was a sign of weakness.
Children do not want “suggestions”, but autonomy and companionship
Knowing the helplessness in the mother, the social worker tried to work out the intervention goal with the family. The worker would firstly help the mother cope with her grievances and then increase her sense of competence in parenting. Play therapy would also be arranged for the child to ventilate and understand his feelings and emotions.
At first, the child kept playing with the same toy trains and buses and seldom spoke during the play therapy sessions. The social worker believed it was important to let him feel safe and being accepted, so she let him explore the toys freely without any time limit or interference.
The mother said the boy acted the same at home. She worried that her son’s stubboness would narrow his exposure and learning, so she would sometimes push him to play some other toys which however often caused him to throw a tantrum. The social worker explained that his repetitive behaviour was an expression of seeking for sense of security. The mother was encouraged to accompany him patiently and to try describing his action when playing, so that he could feel her attention and companionship.
After a short period of play therapy, the child started to explore some other toys, and became less stubborn. Both his teacher and mother noticed that he became more open to new stuffs and changes, and also spoke a lot more.
We cannot change what happened, but can change our ways on how to face it
Individual counselling was delivered to allow the mother to ventilate her grievances and loneliness, empowering the mother to take care of her own well-being.
The concept of parent-child play therapy has been applied. The worker invited both of them to have some 30-minute “parent-child play time” at home, and record their play time. The social worker then watched the clips with the mother, helping her to notice the child’s improvements. She finally smiled and gained strength again.
The child still has Autism spectrum disorder, but he has learnt to speak to her mother about his feelings, and will invite his classmates to play together and follow his teachers’ order.
The mother still misses her husband, but she no longer feels hopeless about the future, and she can believe in the child’s and her own strength.
Message from the Social Worker
Big changes like facing the death of a loved one or learning difficulties in the child can make us feel depressed and helpless. Single-parent families often bear enormous psychological and social pressure with less support. Individual counselling is an effective means to help them release their suppressed emotions. Only by facing their loss and accepting their own emotions, can they eventually climb out of the darkness and move forward. While pushing herself “to be strong for her son”, the mother ignored her own needs which further imposed more pressure on herself.
By accompanying and active listening, the social workers make the clients feel unconditional acceptance, care and recognition, which help them regain strength and sense of hope. Throughout this journey with the family, I deeply felt their love for the father and towards each other. I believe that with this strength and mutual support, even if the road ahead is rough, they will know how to go on.
Stationing School Social Worker
Sylvia Dai
Stationing Social Work Service for Young Children – home-school co-operation for comprehensive support
Close co-operation between social workers and schools is essential in supporting families. The school teachers often have established trustful relationship with the parents, thus making the parents more willing to share their problems with them. The social workers will collaborate with the schools in identifying the families in need through daily observation and close communication with the school personnel. They will also work out strategies together in supporting the families.
If you / your organisation would like to know more about our service, please contact us.
HKSPC Stationing Social Work Service for Young Children
Tel: 3184 7250
Email: ssw@hkspc.org